Attachment styles are more than popular buzzwords.
You may have heard terms like anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, or secure attachment on social media or in conversations with friends.
attachment
Love and support were inconsistent growing up, so it made sense to work hard to get your needs met.
Maybe you had to convince people you needed help. Maybe you never quite knew what kind of response you were going to get. Sometimes people were there for you. Sometimes they weren't.
If that's what you experienced, it makes sense that you might worry people won't be there when you need them now.
You may find yourself needing reassurance, wondering if someone is upset with you, or feeling like you're always trying to make sure a relationship is okay.
There's a reason those patterns developed. They weren't random.
attachment
For some people, expecting love and support was painful.
It felt safer not to expect too much from anyone. Keeping things to yourself made sense. Depending on other people didn't.
Over time, you may have learned that if you handled everything on your own, you couldn't be disappointed. That strategy probably helped you for a long time.
The problem is that people can't support you if they don't know what you're carrying. You may want close relationships while also finding it hard to let people in.
Both things can be true at the same time.
attachment
What people really needed growing up was someone who was consistently there.
Someone who took you seriously. Someone who could handle it, even when you were upset. Someone who didn't shy away from the comfortable or uncomfortable feelings.
That's what secure attachment is really about.
It doesn't mean life was perfect or that relationships are always easy. It means you learned that people were there when you needed them.
look like in
counseling?
Your attachment style isn't good or bad. It's what made the most sense at the time.
The problem is that a single strategy doesn't work equally well in every situation. What helped you in childhood may be making relationships harder now.
So it's our job to understand what it was like for you growing up, how that's affecting you today, and help you figure out what works moving forward. Understanding a behavior can make it easier to decide whether you want to keep doing it.
we'll notice a pattern you've never really thought about before.
you'll try something different between sessions and tell me how it went.
it won't work. That's okay.
We're not looking for perfect. We're looking for what fits your life.
You don't have to figure this out by yourself.
If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Maybe you've been dealing with the same patterns for years. Maybe you're just starting to see the trends. Either way, counseling can be a place to better understand yourself, your relationships, and the way you move through the world.
If you're ready to have that conversation, I'd be glad to meet with you.